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Divorced!!! How strange is that?

Divorced — how strange is life!!!

Divorce in the day and age when I got married was a dirty word in India and in my mind, come what may, I was definitely not going to get divorced 30 some years ago. In fact, as a young girl growing up – all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother and after that I thought life would be a one of bliss and happiness. Divorce never even entered my mind as an option at that time or else I would not have had any children – the last things I wanted to do was bring children into an unhappy family situation.

My marriage started off as a disaster from day one, but, I was an Indian girl and for me marriage was forever – and I was going to have to make it work one way or the other. And I tried and I tried and I tried – I was determined to make it work. I thought that if I did everything right surely it would work, but, it takes two hands to clap and the harder I worked at making the marriage work, the more the other party slacked off. Procrastination was his first, middle and last name and I was a victim of it all.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I ended up taking a divorce 25 years later – after having brought into the world some beautiful but, unfortunate children who were going through the bad marriage and the divorce with us, right through.

To me, divorce, is sadder than death of a loved partner (in a sense), because it is actually death of a marriage. Death has to come to us all at some time or the other – it is an inevitable fact. But, death of a marriage does not. And as you go through it all you get no sympathy from others – in fact, everyone who knows you has an opinion and judgement about the whole issue. Also, you still have to deal with the person you were married to and try and work out ways to make it workable and as happy as possible for the children – the innocent victims of divorce. That person is still around but the relationship is dead – having left behind it – its own mass of destruction – a family destroyed by the break-up in relationship of its two core members. How strange and sad is that?

And also, strangely the moment you take a divorce, people seem to think that you are open to their advances and sometimes even women friends have doubts when you are around their husbands. It’s mostly always other well-intentioned friends who put those dumb ideas in their mind, but, it does hurt. For Gods sake – I am still the same person I was when I was married, still holding the same values and morals – don’t sit and judge and condemn me because I lucked out when I married someone who was totally wrong for me.

 

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Divorced — how strange is life!!!

Divorce in the day and age when I got married was a dirty word in India and in my mind, come what may, I was definitely not going to get divorced 30 some years ago.

My marriage started off as a disaster from day one, but, I was an Indian girl and for me marriage was forever – and I was going to have to make it work one way or the other. And I tried and I tried and I tried, but, it takes two hands to clap and the harder I worked at making the marriage work, the more the other party slacked off. Procrastination was his first, middle and last name and I was a victim of it all.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I ended up taking a divorce 25 years later – after having brought into the world some beautiful but, unfortunate children who were going through the bad marriage and the divorce with us, right through.

To me, divorce, is sadder than death of a loved partner (in a sense), because it is actually death of a marriage. Death has to come to us all at some time or the other – it is an inevitable fact. But, death of a marriage does not. And as you go through it all you get no sympathy from others – in fact, everyone who knows you has an opinion and judgement about the whole issue. Also, you still have to deal with the person you were married to and try and work out ways to make it workable and as happy as possible for the children – the innocent victims of divorce. That person is still around but the relationship is dead – having left behind it – its own mass of destruction – a family destroyed by the break-up in relationship of its two core members. How strange and sad is that?

And also, strangely the moment you take a divorce, people seem to think that you are open to their advances and sometimes even women friends have doubts when you are around their husbands. It’s mostly always other well-intentioned friends who put those dumb ideas in their mind, but, it does hurt. For Gods sake – I am still the same person I was when I was married, still holding the same values and morals – don’t sit and judge and condemn me because I lucked out when I married someone who was totally wrong for me.