Divorced!!! How strange is that?

Divorced — how strange is life!!!

Divorce in the day and age when I got married was a dirty word in India and in my mind, come what may, I was definitely not going to get divorced 30 some years ago. In fact, as a young girl growing up – all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother and after that I thought life would be a one of bliss and happiness. Divorce never even entered my mind as an option at that time or else I would not have had any children – the last things I wanted to do was bring children into an unhappy family situation.

My marriage started off as a disaster from day one, but, I was an Indian girl and for me marriage was forever – and I was going to have to make it work one way or the other. And I tried and I tried and I tried – I was determined to make it work. I thought that if I did everything right surely it would work, but, it takes two hands to clap and the harder I worked at making the marriage work, the more the other party slacked off. Procrastination was his first, middle and last name and I was a victim of it all.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I ended up taking a divorce 25 years later – after having brought into the world some beautiful but, unfortunate children who were going through the bad marriage and the divorce with us, right through.

To me, divorce, is sadder than death of a loved partner (in a sense), because it is actually death of a marriage. Death has to come to us all at some time or the other – it is an inevitable fact. But, death of a marriage does not. And as you go through it all you get no sympathy from others – in fact, everyone who knows you has an opinion and judgement about the whole issue. Also, you still have to deal with the person you were married to and try and work out ways to make it workable and as happy as possible for the children – the innocent victims of divorce. That person is still around but the relationship is dead – having left behind it – its own mass of destruction – a family destroyed by the break-up in relationship of its two core members. How strange and sad is that?

And also, strangely the moment you take a divorce, people seem to think that you are open to their advances and sometimes even women friends have doubts when you are around their husbands. It’s mostly always other well-intentioned friends who put those dumb ideas in their mind, but, it does hurt. For Gods sake – I am still the same person I was when I was married, still holding the same values and morals – don’t sit and judge and condemn me because I lucked out when I married someone who was totally wrong for me.

 

Divorced — how strange is life!!!

Divorce in the day and age when I got married was a dirty word in India and in my mind, come what may, I was definitely not going to get divorced 30 some years ago.

My marriage started off as a disaster from day one, but, I was an Indian girl and for me marriage was forever – and I was going to have to make it work one way or the other. And I tried and I tried and I tried, but, it takes two hands to clap and the harder I worked at making the marriage work, the more the other party slacked off. Procrastination was his first, middle and last name and I was a victim of it all.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I ended up taking a divorce 25 years later – after having brought into the world some beautiful but, unfortunate children who were going through the bad marriage and the divorce with us, right through.

To me, divorce, is sadder than death of a loved partner (in a sense), because it is actually death of a marriage. Death has to come to us all at some time or the other – it is an inevitable fact. But, death of a marriage does not. And as you go through it all you get no sympathy from others – in fact, everyone who knows you has an opinion and judgement about the whole issue. Also, you still have to deal with the person you were married to and try and work out ways to make it workable and as happy as possible for the children – the innocent victims of divorce. That person is still around but the relationship is dead – having left behind it – its own mass of destruction – a family destroyed by the break-up in relationship of its two core members. How strange and sad is that?

And also, strangely the moment you take a divorce, people seem to think that you are open to their advances and sometimes even women friends have doubts when you are around their husbands. It’s mostly always other well-intentioned friends who put those dumb ideas in their mind, but, it does hurt. For Gods sake – I am still the same person I was when I was married, still holding the same values and morals – don’t sit and judge and condemn me because I lucked out when I married someone who was totally wrong for me.

 

There is so much debating all around the globe, regarding whether women should be asked to learn to protect themselves from the evil intentions of evil men. Women all over feel that the men should be punished and that they themselves (women) should not need to do anything to protect themselves. In other words women should be allowed to roam around freely – skimpily clad if they wish – without drawing the wrong kind of attention and admiration from those around them. I know I am going to be in the firing line by those who have joined up in the slut-walk campaign, but really we do need to think about what we are doing.

And, by the way, I thoroughly dislike the term ‘slut-walk’. Why do we women have to give ourselves such a negative name. I know people refer to some women as ‘sluts’; and their behavior as ‘sluttish’; but, as I often told my children – if the name does not fit who you are – walk away and let barking dogs bark. When they see that you ignore them, they will realize that they were wrong in their assessment of you and you will have won without stooping to their level.

As a woman I feel that men should be castrated if they rape. Ouch, with a punishment like that they will have to think about it several times before they act. I don’t know of any man who would like that punishment.

However, my advice to women would be that the world is full of mentally sick people and sexually deprived men you need to learn to protect yourself from such people – just as you learn to be wary of snakes and stray dogs so too don’t put yourself in a position where someone can take advantage of you.

How many men do you see out there almost exposing themselves – they also have private parts to show but they mostly keep them decently covered up. You will hardly find any magazines with naked men – but, ah! naked women you will find a dime a dozen. We women, let ourselves down – by allowing others to exploit our sexuality thus. True, it is only some women who do it, but, there are enough of them who do it to make it harder for the rest of us.

It also does not help when women go up dressed with plunging necklines almost showing all there is to show. It is what I call, the “come hither” look. What you are doing is the equivilent of placing a million dollars in the open and showing it to everyone; and then expecting that they
will keep their hands off the money. Yes, a lot of people will walk away from it, but, others will not. Can we truly blame them or is it that we should be allowed to play the game of “tease”
without regard for the consequences?

An Imam mullah in Australia likened the women who dress thus, as a ‘piece of meat’ and men who them as ‘dogs’ – saying that if you throw a piece of meat at a dog he will definitely pounce at it and devour it. While, I and most of Australia felt and unanimously voted the mullah out of Australia – the fact is that if you put yourself in a position where you are dressing to exposing your sexuality and draw attention to it then you should be aware that not all men are mentally or morally balanced and that although, in a perfect world it would not happen – however, we are living in a far-from-perfect world and so we should be prepared for the worst should it happen.

As for me I feel that my body is my temple – it is not to be displayed to all and sundry.

 

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